I can’t see You, but I know that You can hear me. I know You understand when I hold back the tears that I can’t cry, when my eyes search in vain for something that isn’t there. I know You can see beyond my perfect smiles and laughter, and I know You’re the One friend that never deserted me. The only One who never judged me, the only One who saw beyond the exterior.
And Allah, I was (am!) so full of imperfections, misgivings and mistakes. Both with the façade and what was inside – so much there that shouldn’t be. Yet You loved me. Yet You were there for me. And You said it was okay to be wrong, that it was alright to make mistakes.
Sometimes I felt the world was a dark, dank place, lonely and cold and Yours was the only flame that kept me from getting a sort of virtual frostbite. Sometimes I longed for a warm, all-enveloping embrace and I found Your Unseen hands holding my scared ones, reassuring me, telling me it was all going to be okay.
With every decision, big or small, I asked You, because God, I didn’t know. I still don’t know. It confuses me, confounds me, frustrates me — everything does. The only thing that makes sense is that You still care. Despite everything that happens or will happen, You’ll be there, Your love, within me, like a heart beating against every odd.
And Allah, please accept my Thanks. For everything. Thanks for each and every blessing I never acknowledged and took for granted. This life is a gift, and I never really looked at it that way. Thank you a million times over.
So yet another time, I’m calling out to You. Knowing it’s You and only You Who can make my world alight again.