Parched lips. Throat dry as a bone. I felt dizzy, proverbially dizzy, almost like Tom in ‘Tom and Jerry’ with the stars and birds circling around his head when Jerry had somehow managed to knock him out (yet again). I felt knocked out too. It had been nearly twelve hours since I had consumed anything and my head felt woozy for want of a big, refreshing mug of tea – right after a bottle of chilled water. All I thought about was food. Sigh.
I made a lazy, half-hearted attempt to pray the next salah, yawning through the raka’as. And then the laptop caught my eye!
Would a little bit of Friends hurt? And oh – did I remember the next episode of the serial I was watching would now be on YouTube? Fatigue? Who remembers fatigue when some fictional characters can make you laugh and smile? Fifteen minutes later, I am giggling like Phoebe. But just an hour later I feel like the biggest moron in existence. Can you relate? Read on.
So I just wasted a precious hour of Ramadan, of fasting in front of the TV/Internet. I might as well eat and drink. What just happened in this one hour? I lost the special relationship I had cultivated with Allah over the last few weeks, my eyes committed the act of looking at non-mahrams, I laughed at jokes that were less-than-respectable, and I angered Allah – all of that whilst fasting. And I used precious time which could just as easily have been utilized for worship.
My heart feels like a deep hollow and as I look at my face in the mirror, I realize that just an hour or so ago, it had been glowing, but not anymore. I look at my hijab hanging on the cupboard and feel like a real hypocrite. Here I am curbing my physical needs from dawn to dusk – only to indulge in sin? I’m sure Satan has a fun time with me outside of Ramadan – because it looks as though I don’t really need him to goof up! The stuff I do with him locked up would doubtless encourage him.
Actually this Ramadan is so precious, so important, and a blessed guest who comes and goes far too quickly. Allah gave us a whole thirty days to get forgiven, to find peace and success in Dunya and Akhirah. Like the desert sand slips away so noiselessly from a closed fist, so does Ramadan slip away. Before we know it, two weeks are gone, and we’re still covered in sin. More sins in fact, than when we started off. God, what a sorry fate for me if I can’t grab this golden opportunity with both hands and somehow get myself in Allah’ good books, once and for all.
If only I hadn’t wasted time watching something as silly and useless (in fact harmful) as the stupid TV show. I could just as easily have clicked on the beautiful recitations of the wonderful imams or I might have listened to some cool Islamic lectures. Like this one which I would strongly recommend to anyone who feels they’re wasting their time in Ramadan:
So this Ramadan, dear sisters and brothers I just want to stop wasting my time. No matter how hungry and tired (or dizzy for that matter!) I am, I will not while away valuable moments in front of the idiot box or the Internet. I could just take a short nap if I think I need a break. Or some mild stretching and yoga might even be good.
I think the TV guys are in tune with so many of us who plonk ourselves on the couch in the hope that the strenuous day passes quickly. So many channels now have ‘special Ramadan transmissions’ – a lot of which includes more movies and soaps than usual. Also, so many of us log on to Twitter and Facebook and before we know it an hour has passed and we’ve just been checking out a whole lot of random profiles and pictures and ‘liking’ useless stuff, all the while concerning ourselves with other people’s affairs! Not exactly wise, is it? Allahu Akbar! Let’s stay away from it all and make this Ramadan REALLY count! ‘Cause you know that hadith right where Angel Jibrael (Alayhis Salam) cursed certain people?
A part of it here:
Prophet Muhammed (Sall Allahu Alayhi wa Sallam) said: When I climbed the first step, the angel Jibraeel (A.S.) appeared before me and said
“Destruction to him who found the blessed month of Ramdhan and let it pass by without gaining forgiveness”
upon that I said ‘Aameen’.