I look up in wonder at the sky,
I want to connect and I want to say so much,
I want to say sorry and I want to give thanks,
Words fail me my Lord; I somehow go blank.
My own silliness and my own mistakes line up before me,
All too obvious in hindsight, ironically,
Incredulous, I know how You still didn’t let me fall,
Oh Allah, You listened even when I was unable to call.
I made promises, and I vowed to mend my ways,
I broke my word countless times, but to You is all praise,
You didn’t judge me – you dealt with mercy and with love,
A love so complete, so powerful, that I am unworthy of.
You bless me my Rabb, with every passing moment,
I while away this wonderful gift of life in thankless enjoyment,
A discomfort so deep nestles within my humiliated heart,
I’ve taken things for granted and I haven’t played my part.
But does it matter ya Allah, if I say sorry yet another time?
Is there a way to fully convey the ghastliness of my crimes?
Is there a way to turn back, when I know I’ve ventured too far out?
Allah I know You understand the profound embarrassment that I speak about.
But I talk to You this day with hope and with yearning,
Knowing that to the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful I am turning,
Who forgives, forgets, cleanses me, even when I’m wrong, so wrong,
Please hold me once more Ya Allah — to You I belong.
I’ve messed up time and again, and I’ve not amended myself,
Yet there’s no despair in Your mercy, You said so Yourself,
I need miracles, I need more chances, and I need Your helping hand,
Mercy that befits You my Lord, indeed You are grand!
Don’t let me down, don’t let me turn astray,
Why I am unable to bend and why is it that I cannot pray?
I call on You in humility, defeated, undone by my own madness,
Still holding on to the ultimate hope of Your greatness.
My Lord words fail me again everything seems inadequate,
But You comprehend what lies beneath my tears, unstoppable and adamant,
I’ll leave it at that, Wallahu Aleemum Bi Dhaat is Sudoor,
My heart, and all its dirt and blackness — awaits your dazzling Noor.