کیا واقعی سب کچھ بدل چکا ہے؟

دبئی میں پہلا لاک ڈاؤن مارچ ۲۰۲۰ میں لگا تھا۔ کووڈ نے رفتہ رفتہ دنیا کو اپنی لپیٹ میں لے لیا اور پچھلے ڈیڑھ سال میں کبھی خوف، کبھی مایوسی، کبھی زوم میٹنگز، کبھی ویکسین سے پیدا ہونے والی امید، کبھی خاموش مولز اور کبھی گھر پر گھٹ کر بیٹھنے سے تنگ لوگوں کا شاپنگ سینٹرز اور پارکس میں ہجوم ۔۔۔ سب ہی کچھ کورونا وائرس نے ہمیں دکھا دیا۔ گو کہ کووڈ کے بعد کی زندگی نہایت مختلف ہے اور کل کیا ہو گا یہ کوئی نہیں جانتا۔

اک وقت آیا تھا یوں معلوم ہوتا تھا کہ سائنسی ایجادات اور ویکسین اس وباء سے ہماری جان بخشی کرا دینگے لیکن کورونا نے خود پر اک نیا روپ چڑھا لیا۔ یہ اب ڈیلٹا کی شکل میں دنیا پر نۓ جوش سے حملہ آور ہے۔ دنیا بھر میں کووڈ کے کیسز میں اضافہ ہو رہا ہے اور بہت سے ممالک ایک بار پھر لاک ڈاؤن نافذ کر رہے ہیں۔

میں چہرے سے اپنا ماسک تھوڑا سا سرکاتی ہوں اور اک لمبی سانس لیتی ہوں۔ اسپتال میں سوشل ڈسٹنسنگ تو بس نام کی ہے، میں خود سے کہتی ہوں اور کووڈ ویکسین لگوانے والوں کی لمبی قطار میں بیٹھ جاتی ہوں۔ اے خدا دنیا کتنی بدل چکی ہے۔ حج تو حج لگتا ہی نہیں اور جانے کب پاکستان کی فلائٹیں کھلیں گی۔ جانے کب دنیا پھر سے سیف ہو گی، کیا زندگی پھر کبھی نارمل ہو گی؟ کون کب اس بیماری کی زد میں آ کر دنیا چھوڑ جاۓ گا، کون اس بیماری سے جنگ میں بظاہر تو جیت چکا ہے لیکن اندر سے بدن کھوکھلا ہو چکا ہے اور آخر کون جانتا ہے کہ ویکسین کے سائڈ افکٹ کچھ سال بعد کیا ہوںگے؟ اور ان جانے والوں کا کیا جو کچھ زیادہ ہی جلدی کوچ کر گۓ اور ٹوٹے دل اور ادھوری زندگیاں چھوڑ گۓ؟

انہیں خیالوں نے مجھے گھیرا ہوا ہے کہ یکایک میری نظر ایک ضعیف آدمی کی جانب پڑتی ہے۔ میری طرح یہ صاحب بھی ویکسین کی قطار میں بیٹھ کر انتظار کر رہے ہیں لیکن اپنی کرسی پر بیٹھ کر یہ نماز پڑھ رہے ہیں۔ ان کا چہرہ یوں تو نہایت تھکا ہوا ہے ہے اور اس پر کافی جھریاں بھی ہیں لیکن ان کی شکل پر اک عجیب سا سکون دکھائی دیتا ہے جیسے واقعی کوئی خوف یا غم انہیں کبھی لاحق نا ہوا ہو۔

سچ ہی تو ہے ۔۔ کووڈ نے جہاں بہت کچھ بدل دیا ہے وہاں ابھی بھی بہت سارا کچھ بالکل ویسا ہی ہے۔ اللہ کے سامنے سجدہ ریز ہونے کی لذت اب بھی وہی ہے اور روزہ رکھ کر افطار میں پانی پینا بھی ویسا ہی ہے۔ ساحلِ سمندر پر چلتی ٹھنڈی ہوا اور گرمیوں کی بارش کی وہ چہرے پر گرتی پہلی بوندیں بھی ویسی ہی ہیں۔ کعبے کا تقدس اور مدینے کا سکون اب بھی ویسا ہے۔

رات کے آخری پہر میں بیدار ہو کر رب تعالی کے آگے اقرارِ جرم کر کے اس پر آہ و زاری کرنا اب بھی ویسا ہی ہے۔ معصوم بچوں کی مسکراہٹ اور ان کے ننھے ہاتھوں کا گردن پر لپٹ جانا بھی تو ویسا ہے۔ رشتوں میں لغزشیں اور معافی تلافی اور محبت تو اب بھی ہے۔ کسی دوست سے بات کر کے دل کا کھل اٹھنا بھی تو ویسا ہی ہے اور کسی کے لۓ چپکے سے دعا مانگ کر ان کی آواز میں تازگی سننا بھی تو ویسا ہی ہے۔ اپنی کوئی پسندیدہ شے بغیر کسی کو بتاۓ، بغیر خود سے تذکرہ کۓ اللہ کی خاطر قربان کر دینا بھی ممکن ہے۔ اللہ کا نام لے کر اس کا مزہ چند لمحوں تک لیتے رہنا اور قرآن کی تلاوت حقیقتاً ربیعِ قلب بن جانا اور پھر اس کا قلب میں اتر جانا تو اب بھی ممکن ہے۔

خدا سے باتیں کرنا، میرا اس ذکر کرنے پر اس کا مجھے یاد کرنا اور اس سے ایک دن ملنے کی آس رکھنا بھی تو ویسا ہی ہے نا۔ درود شریف کی چاشنی بھی تو اسی طرح روح میں گھلتی ہے اور نامِ محمد (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم) تو اب بھی دنیا بھر میں رحمت کا پیغام ہے۔ اور تو اور ۔ موت سے ملنا بھی عین اسی وقت پر ہوگا جس وقت پر لوح و قلم میں لکھا ہے اور اسی طرح ہو گا اور اسی حال میں ہو گا۔ یہ جو چند لمحے مل گۓ ہیں یہاں پر کیوں نا انہیں شکرگذاری اور عشق کی ان راہوں پر چلتے ہوۓ گزاروں جہاں ناکامی ممکن ہی نہیں؟

ہاں۔ کووڈ بہت کچھ بدل چکا ہے مگر جو چیزیں سچ مچ اہم ہیں وہ تو اب بھی میسر ہیں۔ کیا یہ موقع الحمدللّٰہ

کہنے کا نہیں؟ فبای الا ربکما تکذبان

اے دل! اے کاش کہ تو فائدہ اٹھا لے قبل اس سے کہ دیر ہو جاۓ۔۔۔

تو تم اپنے پروردگار کی کون کونے نعمت کو جھٹلاؤ گے؟

Wa Man Yatiqillah…

Waman Yattaqillah yajallahu makhrijan wa yarzuquhu min haithu la yahtasib
Surah Talaq, Surah Number 65 Ayah 2-3 (The Quran)

‌Bismillahir Rahman Ir Raheem

وَمَن يَتَّقِ ٱللَّهَ يَجۡعَل لَّهُ ۥ مَخۡرَجً۬ا (٢)

وَيَرۡزُقۡهُ مِنۡ حَيۡثُ لَا يَحۡتَسِبُ‌ۚ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسۡبُهُ ۥۤ‌ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ بَـٰلِغُ أَمۡرِهِۦ‌ۚ قَدۡ جَعَلَ ٱللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَىۡءٍ۬ قَدۡرً۬ا (٣)ر


 wa many yattaqil laaha yaj’al lahoo makhrajaa
Wa yarzuqhu min haisu laa yahtasib; wa many yatawakkal ‘alal laahi fahuwa husbuh; innal laaha baalighu amrih; qad ja’alal laahu likulli shai’in qadraa

 And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).
And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.

I just love these ayaat. They have offered hope, healing and literally a way out more times than I can count. The premise is simple — have taqwa of Allah — love Him more than anyone else, ever, and fear His displeasure and live your life in way that you are aware He is watching, aware and cognizant of everything you do. You’ll have a way out of every problem.

Allah is giving basically an open invitation — wa MAN yatiqillah — WHOEVER has taqwa of Allah, He will find a way out for you. He, in Whose power and control is everything. Then the next ayah further says that He, the great Provider will provide from where you didn’t think possible… and if you rely only on Allah, then He is ENOUGH. Ponder on that for a moment. Rely on Him and He WILL come through for you. And the ayah ends with Allah decreeing everything before hand — which means if you lost something, or didn’t receive what you thought you would, don’t worry. Allah had planned it all along, and He loves you more than anything and His plan is right and fine and perfect.

Just trust Him.

Have Taqwa of Allah and watch in wonder as you find a way out of every difficulty.

That simple. Really.

(May Allah swt allow me to understand and implement and live by this, Ameen)

His Love.

Wallahu yuhibbus Sabireen ❤️
It is narrated in Al-Bukhari in a Hadith Qudsi:
“When Allaah loves a slave, He says to Jibreel (Alayhis Salam)l, ‘I love so-and-so, so love him,’ so Jibreel (AS) loves him and then calls out to the people of heaven, ‘Allaah loves so-and-so, so love him,’ and the people of heaven love him, and then acceptance is placed in the Earth for him.”

Between You and me

 

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When love is too small a word,

When You mean more to me than the whole world,

When I’m unsure yet I feel safe ’cause Your light shines bright,

When Your thoughts illuminate every day and night,

I feel so blessed to have this life, and my beating heart,

That loves You and knows You right from the start,

You, Who saw every tear, every fear and heard me out,

You, Who made my heart strong and dispelled every doubt,

You, Who never turned away but always cared,

You, Who never disclosed all that I have shared,

Allah, the One and Only, the Mighty, the Wise,

Who after the world breaks me down, allows me to rise,

A day without Your remembrance is a day worse than wasted,

To know You, to love You, to worship You is why I was created,

My heart feels calm amid the storm,

When upon Your guidance I remain firm,

Guide me please through this life that seems to lead me astray,

Oh Turner of the hearts, allow me to on the right path stay,

There’s a lot that needs doing, and I need Your direction,

There is so much I don’t understand, I desperately need Your protection,

What say You Oh Allah, of one who has little sense,

Who’s own shortcomings and faux pas make her troubled and tense,

Who’s deeds don’t warrant Your forgiveness,

Who wants, more than anything Your love and closeness,

Its all I have — a mad, passionate love, a sea of yearning that I live in,

Someday, somehow, I know it’ll help me win.

What, really, is the world worth?

Our beloved Prophet Mohammed (May the peace, mercy and blessings of Allah be upon him and his family) said that the 2 units of sunnah prayer before the Fajr Salah are better than the entire world and all it contains.

Then what really, is the rat race for? The heartbreaks, the better position, the ‘ME’ we sometimes so blindly follow? Deception?

Let go. It’s not that important. Your connection to Allah while still living in this dunya is what really matters.

Fourteen years later…

Life’s challenges were never so clear to me as they are now. Perhaps there is something about spending more time in this world, becoming more aware of everything around you and figuring out where you stand and what it is that you are really pursuing.

Roughly fourteen years ago I became a man’s wife. I was suddenly expected to be a caring, intelligent partner and with time, a parent. A mother who was meant to know how everything was done and who was someone to look up to. On a personal level I was going through myriad challenges. I was young, raw and not exactly angry but unpleasantly surprised with life and with the people around me. I had no idea how to be this wonderful partner and much less – how on earth – to be a mother, a somewhat okay mother. Fourteen years later the ignorance is still very much there, but for so long, somehow – and only God knows how – I stand as someone who this far seems to be doing alright. At any rate I haven’t killed anyone and I haven’t killed myself either. 🙂

If I were to talk about some of the more important lessons I hope to have learnt by now, the first of them would be that Allah swt lives on. He doesn’t die, He doesn’t even feel sleepy or tired, He doesn’t get sick, He doesn’t move to another country and He’s the One and Only Protective Friend and Guardian who doesn’t spill your secrets and doesn’t let you down. Calling upon Him is never expensive and private conversations can go on forever. Parents’ – the people you love and count on eventually fall sick, fade away and move on from this world. Friends can let you down and people can break you – both in distance as well as in nearness. But Allah swt, the All-Seer, the All-Knower, the One who doesn’t judge You because of how wealthy you might be or how perfect your body looks, listens to you every single time, understands you and calms you down. He is the Only One who has stood by me through the good and the challenging times, the One worthy of absolute love and trust, the One Who washes and enlightens my heart every time it darkens and then allows me to hope some more for an even better tomorrow.

hadith image, islamic quote

The next thing that’s started making sense is that there isn’t any real satisfaction, success or peace, or indeed lasting victory in getting laurels from the world. Sure, it’s a wonderful ‘I’m-floating-on-air’ kind of feeling when you see your name in print – but then once that’s over – then what? All creative people (writers, artists, poets etc) know that you are only as good as your last article/book/piece. Lasting peace and happiness comes from realizing that it is indeed Allah swt, His obedience and His remembrance that strengthens the heart, actualizes the soul’s existence and pours forth a shining bright light on the path ahead, illuminating the correct way in a maze of bewildering and overwhelming directions. Peace and happiness increases manifold when you perceive those around you with love, compassion and totally clean-slate forgiveness.

At a very deep level, marriage, first, for me, was about acceptance, as are so many things in life. Your partner might be an excellent person, and a righteous individual but if the two of you can’t stand each other there isn’t much in the relationship except random moments of passion that might exist. People fall in and out of love all the time but acceptance, I feel, is the more important one. There has to come a time when you stop blaming and shaming yourself, your partner or your parents or life and simply accept things and give thanks for whatever good is already manifest and for whatever khayr the Almighty has in store for you. A little bit of gratitude goes a very long way. Things begin to change. Acceptance gradually transforms into gratefulness. Giving thanks gives way to love. And love begets mercy and compassion, which finally transports you to a form of communication higher than love.

When no words are necessary between the two of you and when a gentle touch, a short but meaningful text or a tender back rub might mean so much more than just that. When you start caring about the other person and you’re not entirely sure why or when it started happening but you now understand the importance of their presence in your life and wouldn’t want it any other way. Understanding means being unselfish and letting the other person have their time and space if they need it.

One of the most essential ingredients of a good relationship is humility and ensuring that your ego doesn’t destroy you, both when you are right and more importantly when you are the one who you erred. One must question oneself all the time and make small but conscious efforts every single day to water the family tree.

daisies

My husband is a great man. He really is. And I don’t say that just because he’s put up with me for all these years – although that in and of itself has got to be pretty remarkable. He’s a strong man with insides of steel because he takes all the personality assassination I do of him, digests it, takes whatever benefit he can from my ruthless analysis, discards the rest and then forgives me wholeheartedly. He then renews his vow to stay by my side forever. Yes, I know. I’m incredibly blessed. Alhamdulillah.

As for me, I’ve always found it a bit hard to totally forgive and forget, barring now when I’m finally learning that there’s absolutely nothing cool about being permanently hurt and there’s this incredible feeling of liberation and happiness when you just – let go. Intelligent people move on and embrace each day as an opportunity to receive and radiate all things good and positive.

My husband’s also a really creative guy. He can create power from a bunch of tired looking wires and solar panels and he can probably fix everything from broken glasses to a broken fridge – not impeccably, mind you, but good enough to get you by for a bit. He also loves breaking things apart and enjoys discovering how they work and how and when they don’t. I’m happy to say that he’s now learning to curb this same desire with the wife!

I’d like to sign off with a final piece of advice to myself and anyone else who might care for it. Always notice the little things. If she folds your laundry and puts it away remember to say thank you and mean it. If he clears the sink while you get your assignment done a smile and an “OMG what would I do without you” doesn’t hurt at all. Be respectful and don’t say things you wouldn’t say to a friend. Lastly remember Allah put you in their life for a reason and them in yours for an equally powerful one. Set time aside for just the two of you and remember that the joy, the happiness of the moments today require much thankfulness and acknowledgement. And for when things aren’t so hunky-dory, it pays to be patient and knowing that it too, shall pass. And we’re all going to return to Allah anyway. 🙂

And seek help thorugh patience and prayer

So why should I fast anyway?

Originally written for Gulf News Opinion http://gulfnews.com/opinion/thinkers/so-why-should-i-fast-anyway-1.1850796

dates iftar

The clock strikes four and I gulp down the water quickly. I hear the distant call of the Fajr (dawn) prayer and realise that for the next 15 hours, I can neither eat nor drink anything. I think warily of the fact that the girls have school almost half this Ramadan and pick-ups must be braved in the searing heat. It’s not the food I mind giving up, I say grudgingly to myself, it’s the water and the caffeine — and the sleep that gets interrupted when I wake up to eat the pre-dawn meal. I’m a grouch early in the morning and the idea of not being able to get a long lie-in irks me.

“Why must I fast anyway?” I ask myself in a moment of restless, bleary-eyed grumpiness. There’s a voice inside me that tells me to come to my senses, but another stronger voice pipes up, “Because everyone fasts during Ramadan”. I complete the Fajr prayer lazily and throw dirty looks at the clock that just doesn’t seem to move on. As the day wears on, my mood thankfully improves, much to the relief of my family. The conscience is uncomfortably guilty as I question myself again, this time wide-awake and pleasant enough — why, at any rate, do we fast in Ramadan?

The obvious answer of course would be that because Allah commanded us in the Quran to do so. He also told us that He intends ease for us and not difficulty, and that those who are unable to fast due to reasons such as ill-health, travelling and child birth are exempt from doing so. There is also great reward in paradise for those who fast. Just that should be enough for someone of sound faith to want to fast, but I want to delve deeper into this question.

Let me, for starters, examine my relationship with God. When things are going well, I don’t really talk to Him much. I pray mechanically, almost like I just want to tick off a task in my day. But when the going gets tough, I earnestly talk to Him, in the darkness of the night and during the day when no one but Him understands my whispered pleas. When I feel inadequate, unable to do everything that’s expected of me, I reach out to Him and tell Him everything, safe in the knowledge that His mercy is greater than His wrath and that He, alone will not judge me.

One thing about people is that they’re quick to judge you. Say, a woman might be having an illicit affair and people would condemn her for being a two-faced hypocrite, but the only One who knows her full story and still has the door of mercy and forgiveness open for her is Allah. When you’re in the wrong — say things you dearly regret and actions that you’d give anything to eradicate — Allah is the One and only who understands you and still loves you and appreciates the fact that you came back and said sorry. Just the thought is emancipating.

Another beautiful thing about this relationship is that Allah knows me better than anyone, imperfections and all. He still loves me and listens to me every time I need to talk — no matter even if it is too trivial and I can be myself. He takes care of my requests, provided I ask like I really mean them. Even while I prayed and fasted like it was a chore, He continued to bless me with every passing day with gifts such as a functioning body, my family and countless other things.

I feel like a very selfish person — all I seem to care about is MY comfort, MY coffee and MY entertainment. I feel shallow, insincere — but one thing I do not feel is despair, because I know that the moment I reciprocate the love He shows me, Allah will give me another chance.

Outward signs of practising religion are indeed a part of it, but the actions are weightless if the conviction of faith isn’t behind them. I reflect upon the fact that I have this One friend that I have counted on in every moment of need and found Him to be true and incredibly caring and merciful. He continues to love me despite the fact that I mess up way too often. The more I know Him, the more thankful I am to Him and the more I want to show Him my love and devotion too. From hereon, I will fast because I want to, because He said so, because it is a privilege to be able to worship Him in the way He wants me to.

Detoxing the body and soul this Ramadan

ramadanguest

Originally written for Gulf News Opinion http://gulfnews.com/opinion/thinkers/detoxing-the-body-and-soul-this-ramadan-1.1538896

Published: 15:28 June 22, 2015

When the starting day of Ramadan was confirmed, my heart skipped a beat as I welcomed my favourite time of the year, grateful to be alive to experience it again. Memories of last Ramadan came flooding back to me when I was lumbering around with swollen feet, nine months pregnant, desperately wanting the baby to finally arrive. As the month ends, she will turn one, and because not all of us shed baby weight as easily as Kate Middleton, I am looking to detoxify the body and hopefully shed a few pounds in the process. But what’s much more important is cleansing the soul.

Life for each one of us is a blend of wonderful, rejuvenating experiences and ugly, forgettable incidents. The amazing human mind stores all of these events pretty efficiently — our mind is like a large castle with many rooms, alleyways and courtyards. The negative memories, those painful incidents that we would like to forget, we unconsciously dump in a room in the posterior wing of this castle and keep the door firmly shut. Yet those experiences live within us, and the lingering hurt remains. Adverse experiences are a part of life, and indeed we would not value happiness and peace as much as we do were it not for the occasional jolts that life gives us. There are some of us who are able to brush off every negative experience nonchalantly and go about our merry ways.

But there are those who have a hard time letting go and accepting reality. As for me, my personality can be painfully analytical and critical, especially of my own self. I am prone to thinking things through, dissecting them to death trying to figure out why they happened. There’s always a desperate struggle to “get it right” that has defined my life, the feeling that if only I had done this or that, things might have been different. Now the time has come when I want to, consciously, let go.

For every relationship in life that didn’t work out, for every time I have felt dejected, and for each instance in which I have failed, I have frantically tried (in my head) to hold myself, or others, responsible. While introspection and soul searching is generally a good thing, and has helped me on many occasions, there is such a thing as too much of it. There’s a certain calmness and profundity about accepting things the way they are, acknowledging them as they stand today without beating yourself up about it, and without secretly blaming someone else, either.

A month of positivity

To me, this blessed month has always rekindled hope and brought positivity, and this year comes with me needing a fresh perspective on things perhaps more than before. In the last ten nights of Ramadan I will be looking for the genuine contentment that comes only from the belief that every experience that you went through was destined for you.

And that even though it may not seem so, in the grand scheme of things it was somehow the best thing that could have happened to you. Truly having faith that every challenge in life has positive connotations and consequences — no matter how contrary it may seem — is wonderfully liberating. I will take this opportunity to share a beautiful line from the Quran: “But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (Surah Al Baqarah 2:216).

Even though tough times test us and bring us pain they do form an integral part of our life experience, and we are the better for them. True happiness and healing is in learning to be truly thankful for them. Moreover, we tend to dwell on the little hills that are our problems in life — and each one of us has those. But in the process we ignore the mountains of blessings that have been bestowed upon us. This Ramadan I want to give genuine thanks for every gift my Creator has given me that I have neither acknowledged nor been grateful for. It is a time to connect with Him with a certainty that every time we call out to Him, He listens.

As the sweetness of the imam’s recitation during taraweeh prayers warms my heart, I feel that distinct Ramadan feeling, an inexplicable joy that can’t be put into words. Here’s hoping that this Ramadan will be better than the ones gone by, and that I am able to savour every moment of this month that slips by too quickly, leaving us to wonder whether we did in fact make the most of it.

Then which of the favours of your Lord will you deny?

favours of your lord

I look up in wonder at the sky,

I want to connect and I want to say so much,

I want to say sorry and I want to give thanks,

Words fail me my Lord; I somehow go blank.

 

My own silliness and my own mistakes line up before me,

All too obvious in hindsight, ironically,

Incredulous, I know how You still didn’t let me fall,

Oh Allah, You listened even when I was unable to call.

 

I made promises, and I vowed to mend my ways,

I broke my word countless times, but to You is all praise,

You didn’t judge me – you dealt with mercy and with love,

A love so complete, so powerful, that I am unworthy of.

 

You bless me my Rabb, with every passing moment,

I while away this wonderful gift of life in thankless enjoyment,

A discomfort so deep nestles within my humiliated heart,

I’ve taken things for granted and I haven’t played my part.

 

But does it matter ya Allah, if I say sorry yet another time?

Is there a way to fully convey the ghastliness of my crimes?

Is there a way to turn back, when I know I’ve ventured too far out?

Allah I know You understand the profound embarrassment that I speak about.

 

But I talk to You this day with hope and with yearning,

Knowing that to the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful I am turning,

Who forgives, forgets, cleanses me, even when I’m wrong, so wrong,

Please hold me once more Ya Allah — to You I belong.

 

I’ve messed up time and again, and I’ve not amended myself,

Yet there’s no despair in Your mercy, You said so Yourself,

I need miracles, I need more chances, and I need Your helping hand,

Mercy that befits You my Lord, indeed You are grand!

 

Don’t let me down, don’t let me turn astray,

Why I am unable to bend and why is it that I cannot pray?

I call on You in humility, defeated, undone by my own madness,

Still holding on to the ultimate hope of Your greatness.

 

My Lord words fail me again everything seems inadequate,

But You comprehend what lies beneath my tears, unstoppable and adamant,

I’ll leave it at that, Wallahu Aleemum Bi Dhaat is Sudoor,

My heart, and all its dirt and blackness — awaits your dazzling Noor.

Why we sometimes act mean (sequel to the last post)

Ok, first things first. A rant is a rant (my last blog was a rant) and may not be taken in the literal sense. This one however is (hopefully) a level-headed blog, and I hope to write something worthwhile, Insha Allah. I had no business judging anyone or calling them mean. My bad. Sorry. Mean it.

Mostly ‘cause at many points in life, I’ve been a completely unbearable, unpalatable human being, who would, in anyone’s book, qualify as “mean” so it all goes horribly wrong when I start sounding holier-than-thou and like I’m some kind of saint. I was mad, and I was hurt. So the blog was a way of therapy, get it? That doesn’t make it right, though. I know I have some wonderful loyal readers and followers and I don’t want them to run away now, do I? 😉

I’ve been feeling so guilty since I wrote that last blog. This one’s been brewing in my mind all this time, but I did not have the time to write it. Crazy weekends, you know? So if we look into people’s behaviours, there are usually a number of factors controlling them. Let’s get to the days when I become a monster. I’m deliberately using myself as the example so I can freakin’ get off my high horse (I’m sure that’s what it seems to many, but on that day, I was pretty mad).

I may be PMSing, something huuuge may be on my mind that I can’t even share, or maybe someone just made a thoroughly disparaging remark about my personality, my weight, my family, or all. Or maybe something that completely shamed and embarrassed me happened (May Allah protect me from it all, Ameen). So if I get annoying, would I like it if people judged me? NO!

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If I call anyone a bitch I am in effect judging them. I HATE judgemental people. I don’t wanna be one of them. I slipped up. We all do. I just feel like I shouldn’t have shared the toxic thought on my blog, because I know people are reading. Ugh.

We need to put ourselves in the others shoes. More often than not, their behaviour will seem legit. And hey, isn’t it a test of love? We need to feel what they’re feeling, we need to be empathetic, and we need to stop writing blogs when we’re mad. Enough said.

-Mehmudah

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